The Odd Vegetable previously reported on the Trump Transition Team's announcement of key Presidential appointments, including Ted Cruz as White House Gimp; Ben Carson as Chief White House Butler; Chris Christie as Head Eunuch; Rudolf Giuiliani as Lamplighter; and Donald Trump Jr. as Chief Dick. (See The Odd Vegetable 11/10/16) Anonymous sources within the Transition Team are now confirming to The Odd Vegetable that Pre$#@&*^ Elect Donald J. Trump will soon name additional appointments. Cementing his role as an outsider, sources expect Trump will break from longstanding tradition by reaching out to fictional characters to help shape our government. Trump's first cabinet-level appointment, for example, will be the meme Pepe the Frog as Secretary of Education. Although considered by some to be a racist figure of the so-called Alt Right, Pepe comes highly recommended by Trump campaign advisor Steve Bannon of Breitbart News. Pepe is sure to inspire a generation of young people to aspire to greater things, just as it was a positive and unifying symbol for a substantial and vocal portion of the electorate.
Additional forthcoming appointments will include:
Sources indicate that these appointments are meant to reflect Pre$#@&*^ Elect Trump's desire for an inclusive and diverse government. In particular, sources note (off the record) that Dora -- who is hardly a "10" in Trump's eyes and does not have the Eastern European look Trump craves -- will likely appeal to the growing Latino population, a surprising percentage of which voted for Trump. (Those same officials are quietly hopeful Dora does not go on an eating binge, as did Miss Venezuela some years ago, lest Dora be subjected to Trump's public ridicule.) The Joker may spark the most controversy, given his skepticism of mad-made climate change, but he may be more palatable to environmentalist than certain science-doubting energy executives who were reportedly on the short list. Doc Ock is an obvious choice, and will likely sail through confirmation.
Rounding out this wave of appointments will be:
Barron, whom some erroneously believed was Trump's alter ego, has the least government experience of the group. That said, Barron is well known to have Trump's confidence. Underwood, who was one of the first fictional characters to endorse Trump (see The Odd Vegetable 6/14/16), is just the sort of unethical SOB who might fit right in. Finally, the ghost of Andrew Jackson -- a populist in his own right back in the day -- sees eye-to-eye with Trump on matters of fiscal policy (not to mention race).
Liberal groups are breathing a collective sigh of relief from this wave of soon-to-be-announced appointments. Indeed, Democrats had feared a goblins row of cabinet appointments from the likes of Rudolph Giuiliani (who, as noted above, will be Lamplighter rather than Attorney General), Newt Gingrich, General Michael Flynn, and others deemed by many to be too unstable and too extreme. Nonetheless, a handful of naysayers and conspiracy theorists (e.g. The Failing Washington Post) are critical of Trump's appointment of fictional characters, which they argue will allow Trump and Trump alone to rule autocratically, without real voices of actual people to temper his authoritarian tendencies.
Vice President Elect Mike Pence predicted Comey "will bring his hallmark fair-mindedness and independence to the blind trust, which will be necessary since we have no damn clue what Trump owns or owes, much less where or to whom." Hillary Clinton likewise applauded Comey's appointment, stating: "Comey obviously cares very little about protecting his own ass and is concerned only with the well-being of the American people."