Dear Citizens of what is currently known as the United States of America,
On Friday, October 28, 2016, I checked out Nate Silver's website fivethirtyeight.com and saw that Hillary had an 81.1% chance of winning the election. I thought she was a shoe-in. I was afraid that after Hillary won, it would come out that the FBI had come across a bunch of emails on Anthony Weiner's laptop, and I would be accused of sitting on evidence to help her. So I decided to send my fateful letter to Congress that same day.
I was just trying to cover my ass. Nothing more, nothing less.
Some of you might be asking why I waited until 10 days before the election to send the letter, since I knew about the emails on Weiner's laptop for several weeks. (I didn't mean for my letter to be misleading about how long I had known about the emails -- sorry!) Well, I was actually trying to time it so that my letter couldn't possibly affect things; I thought if it was close enough to the election, it wouldn't matter. After all, as much as I hate Hillary, I knew better than to try to help that unstable nut job get anywhere near the nuclear codes. Others might ask why we didn't just look at the emails when we first found them in September. Well, I don't have a good answer for that. All I will say is, have you ever tried to get government workers to review tens of thousands of emails over a weekend? At least we were able to look at them the week before the election (thank you Loretta!), and rile up Trump voters one last time by clearing Hillary again on November 6th. Boy, did that backfire too.
I never, ever thought I could actually tip the election toward that lunatic. I really didn't. I did not believe that ostensibly good people -- moderate Republic women, true Christians, disaffected blue collar workers -- would or could overlook the venom, violence and, yes, racism that Trump spawned. Maybe they are not such good people after all. But who am I to judge.
The silver lining in all this is that I don't think I screwed up our country for more than a few generations. Our response to climate change can wait a few years, right? And the hate Trump has unleashed should recede to the shadows before the end of this century. At least I hope so.
I pray that you, your children, and your grandchildren will forgive me one day. I'm really not a bad guy. A little hyper-transparent perhaps, but my heart is in the right place. And maybe the history books won't be too hard on me. If there is a history....
Very truly yours,